Yellow Center

The yellow center of my mom’s white roses ..I cropped the old photo and played around in a program tiring to find the smell of home today… it wasn’t found but the trip back to the days after her passing were….wandering around the house and the yard trying to capture thing to remember in the days and years to come…


the roses in front of the house so near to her bedroom window…the lite smell of the white rose as the sun-dried the morning dew off the petals….things I needed to capture but now my fear of my mothers yard ….but a fear  held me at bay… I had lived in Alaska way to long and the now fear of snakes and bugs made me think hard about where my feet were…this was the same yard that I had ran barefoot as a child and never even thought of snakes or bugs…..but now there was a fear of things hidden … there was no mother or father to protect me ….

…dad and mom were gone the house was empty and the land was strange to the touch and feel of my hands and feet..I needed the capture of silly things to shoot with my lens…her flowers… the trees… .sheds …even the big rock in the yard…all needed to be captured for days like today ….days when I need to return home ..
The smell of roses on a photo just aren’t the same but the memories the photo brings to the eyes and heart are ….like the red bird in the next photo .my dad called him pretty boy…he or his children sang at the back door of my mom and dads house ….my home … for days after mom’s passing he sang on the top of the little shed ….the photo brings back the sound and smells of HOME…



Swing High Swing Low

“All our lives we are engaged in preserving our experiences and keeping them fresh by artificially sprinkling the water of memory over them. They have ceased to retain their original smell and fragrance. Do you call it life— this effort at the preservation of a phantom freshness in something that is withered and gone?” ~Vimala Thakar



the night before my mom passed there was a big fight among all us kids….really a silly blow up over nothing …nothing …but it was enough to bring everyone to their breaking point …when it came time to tell my mom I was sorry … I decided not to sleep that night … for hours I sang to her and talked to her even though her eyes were closed…I promised her that if I was there when she passed …..I would sing her across … I did sing her across the following night …

this photo was taken a few days after her funeral..everytime I look at it …… I remember how many times after her death I would see a swing …sometimes it would be swinging in the wind and others it would be hanging broken …but it always took me back to why I picked the song to sing to her that night…..
When I was a little girl we lived with my grandmother ….the only friend we had lived across the street….she lived with her grandmother as well….her grandmother had two porch swings on her front porch …we could play on the swings as long as we did not jump out of them….we would take and swing back and forth toward each other and sing .Swing High …Swing Low..singing higher with each level of the swing ……my mom would be sitting across the road sitting on my grandmothers glider swing and she would call us home by saying …..girls let the Angels in Jordan go to sleep now is time to come home ….when I look at the photo even the chains that keep it hanging in the tree remind me of the ties to the pass …the notes of the song will never leave my heart …..I hope there are trees and swings in heaven ….and angels singing swing high ..swing low

Please Close the Gate

The sign read

“Please remember to close the gate.”

Why ?
the gate is the entry to the cemetery where my mother’s family and my baby brother are buried ….there use to be a fence connected to the fence but it has been removed because of disrepair …when I along with my baby brother visited the grave site … we even walked through the gate even though there was no reason …there was no fence to keep us out …it just made sense to walk through the gate…….the rules to life are just a simple but sometimes it is so easy just to break them because you can…the fence was just a marker of space…no one was leaving and no one was ever meant to be kept out …it was not a line of defense ….it was not a barrier of ownership… it was a line to define a space….the gate never had a lock …..the fence connected could have been climbed over at any point… the sign was a reminder it was a place of rest…finally rest and like closing the door to a bedroom …could you Please remember to close the gate …….good night dear family Good night

The Father’s In My Life

some children are lucky or unlucky you decide ….some have the most awesome fathers and others have many fathers…some great some not so great but none the less fathers in name and body …..
My real father must have been happy one time in his life are at least he looks that way in the photo…then things changed and his life took another route …leaving four little kids asking a lot of questions … but finding no answer…

funny thing when going through my moms photos after her death ..I found myself grabbing more and more of his photos ..I think I was hoping to see the old him and maybe by gathering photo I could find him again….no luck it seems …he is passed on now …..

The real father in my life came in to my life at a later date …he was there before we ever knew about him ..I found papers while going through my moms papers that show he was the person who bought our bikes and the last Christmas at my grandmothers when I found the photo of their wedding day …I remembered my mom getting dressed that day but did not know where she was going…I just remember thinking she was sure pretty and happy that day …what do you think can you see the love in her eyes…..

My step father was the man who taught us about life and love..he raised us four as if we really were his ..he taught us rules of life …about church …about family and loved us with his very life……he ate the food we girls were learning to cook and never made a face…he worked every day to put food on the table and he never said a word about needing a break ….he opened the home we had to every family need of both family and extended family ….I love this man more each day ..even now that he is in Heaven …..

Now the Father of my children

sitting at his moms table ..not knowing where our life together would take us and what things would affect our lives ….life with this awesome man the father of our children …another great father to three awesome children…a man who changed diapers,walked the floor when they were sick ..who stayed up nights figuring a way to get them home when they were away from home and needed help…who worked every day and never complained because he was who he is …. forty-three years plus and he still worries about his family and would lay down his life for us ….

In the great outdoors where he loves to be

or on a hunting trip with his son ……

or my favorite …sitting on a rock on a mountain side with a fellow who takes a small hike with a silly wife …

Theses are the fathers in my life ….how are the Fathers in your life …….

Times Gone Bye

Remembering when I first got to hold a 35 mm in my hands and how scary it was ….it wasn’t mine was a new friends camera ….. it was top of line Nikon at the time ….just stood there viewing through the eye piece …she grabbed my hand and placed it on the lens and said turn it and watch ……I am in love …I was in heaven she taught me about cameras and film and the things she was doing in school to make photos personal …..I dreamed cameras and photos for weeks ..then my husband bought me a camera from Sears ….then from that he bought me the makings for a darkroom then helped me build a dark room..He has always let me explore and grow in things, always encouraging and making sure I had top of line are at least as close to top of line in his wallet …..I am remembering to night standing in a dark kitchen with my hands in a black bag loading a roll of black and white film into a canister to process the film…… …oh it was so long ago now … going through old negatives tonight playing with my new Wolverine F2D ..turning them in to digital…….just to play with again to remember what I was trying to capture and even what I was thinking …..

Here are a few photos from the past …..both are of things I had around the house I was always finding light and enjoying the new feeling of seeing light

Same photo little different treatment in the digital form by playing with light

So tonight the trip was with and very old camera lens in a life long ago…hope you had an enjoyable time …..

So Over The Moon

Third day of rain ….to many of you that is a ..So what its raining.
But to Alaska’s people this time of year it means many dangers ..slips and falls,broken bones ,head injuries,crashed cars,insurance woes,water damage and missed appointments …The temps are hovering around the 30 range and rain on snow at those temps means ice ,ice and more ice. Layers of water on the hidden ice is so deceiving to the eye …but the foot finds it quickly …..things collapse because of the weight …car trunks and doors freeze solid…parking lots and road ways become a night mare .. Its so hard to believe that people continue to travel when the state dot says stay of the roads….even harder to think people think they can travel at high rates of speed ..
Then there are the people that have to have take out food …just because and they never think of the life of the person delivering the food and the dangers they face…even harder still to think that a business would offer take out or demand their worker take that chance…
We need to get real with things around us …if the state says do not drive unless you are emergency personal then for goodness sake don’t ….the hospitals are full … the road crews are bone tired with work . People wake up there is nothing that important that you have to travel in these conditions .Stay home enjoy a day off..sleep a little longer …..

I have pulled three file photos of attempts at capturing the moon ..two are tripod and one is hand held attempt ….this shot was taken on tripod in my front yard last winter…this is the best of 7 shots ….i really need ,,,no make that


a remote so I don’t have to touch camera after getting it in focus …..Santa do you hear me

Next shot was taken in Tennessee in my daughters front yard back in April ..using tripod ….this is best of many many tries…didn’t stay outside to long …I hate sneaky snakes and it was just muggy and hot enough for the little darlings …

The next photo was taken on our trip to Valdez Alaska ..This one is hand held ..about 8 shots were taken and many were deleted ….It was a lot of focus hold breathe click.. repeat above again and again…almost forgot while bracing self against side of truck or building ….

Hope you enjoyed this trip ..If you are anywhere this season and road conditions are bad .. stay home …relax and don’t put anyone else life in danger and stay safe someone loves you ….and Santa if your listening I want …extra battery and a remote and more disksssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss….Happy Holidays where every you are …..

Light Up My Leaves

When my daughter ask what was wanted from Tennessee … leaves and acorns was the answer .. she brought them to me ….but first i must tell what happen to her while gathering the leaves ….she went out into my moms yard and tried to find the brightest  leaves …she saw a beautiful bright red leaf she reached out to gather it… right in front of her a snake fell out of the tree branches from above the leaf…she left the place and returned to the house with out the beautiful leaf…..

While laying the leaves out on the counter I saw the awesome shadow the over head light gave to the leaves ….

played with a mini flash light and placed it in many different places

Under the leaves……..

to the side of the leaves ……

above the leaves hanging from a string…had fun with the hand full of little dry fall leaves from Tennessee…I learned a few more things about my camera … love thinking of something and trying it out .. know it is not professional lighting but it sure was fun ..again hope you enjoyed the trip of my camera